(Honestly) To No One in Particular

When I say I love you, what I mean to say is fuck it.
Fuck the games we are taught to play
By copycat rom-coms,
By anyone who says being hard to get is what guys want,
Because sure, part of us does want a challenge,
Wants to chase you,
Wants to be confused,
Wants to want and not simply receive.
But guys tend to lie to themselves.
Because we don’t know what to do if the woman of our dreams,
Comes right up into our face,
With heart in hand,
And fragile feelings stomped down too many times,
And she just says I love you.
Because we are all afraid that we don’t know what we will say,
We pretend we are afraid of commitment,
Of feeling suffocated,
But we're afraid of feeling in the first place.
And we are scared of that.
So I’m saying I love you,
And I don’t want anything from you in return,
Right now, I don’t want to give you flowers,
Or chocolates
Or jewelry
As if things will make the statement anymore true,
I’m not trying to convince you of anything.
This isn’t a court case,
I’m not providing evidence
And it’s not a medical study,
Because nothing really shows love,
I can arch my back,
Self groom,
Look down away and to the left,
And people say this means love,
But what they mean to say is infatuation.
Right now, I’m not going to compliment you,
Because I’m not trying to win your heart,
Like a 4th grade spelling bee,
Like a lottery ticket,
And I honestly don’t know where to start,
Do I start with your stunning physical qualities?
Your eyes,
which twinkle when you talk about things you care so deeply about,
which light on fire when anyone hurts the things you care about,
which blacken when you are sad,
And I hate when you sad,
Because I feel helpless,
I say to myself that I want to make you happy,
But that’s because I heard someone else say it,
And it’s bullshit because it implies that I can control your emotions,
And what I actually mean,
Is that I want to share your pain,
And my eyes may blacken with you,
And I will hurt with you,
But you are worth it.
People say to compliment a woman’s emotional characteristics,
Because it is more likely to incite an emotional response,
But fuck that,
Because you feel far stronger than I could ever describe,
Because when you say I wish you would be happier,
You mean it with all your heart,
And I can see your hand shake a bit,
But that doesn’t mean as much because I can feel your soul shake
When you talk about hope,
Ambition for a better future for all,
It’s not the lie that beauty pageant girls or slimy politicians say,
But it’s because you rage when you see injustice,
And you tear up when you see agony,
And you smile the most when you see your friends succeed,
And I love that about you.
No matter what compliment I say,
I’m sidestepping the truth.
I love so many parts of you,
And I could go on and on and on about you
But I don’t,
Because you are here,
And all I want to say is “I love you”,
But what I really mean is “This is me.”